Mom: go to bed, it’s two hours passed your bed time
5 yr old: You’re ruining my heart
Mom: Uh …. sniff

I’m pretty sad today. I heard ZZ Top broke up after all these years of being together. I heard they got into a fight, and it got really hairy.

4yr old girl: When I eat too many eggs, it makes my butt ‘splode.

Had a thought, if you don’t know what a dictionary is, where do you go to look it up?

“I know a guy who didn’t know what a dictionary was, but he didn’t know where to look it up.”

3 yr old: Last day is my birthday.
Me: What is last day?
3 yr old: Last day was my birthday.
Me: Oh, ‘last day’ is any day before today. Got it. Like yesterday. Last week, last month. How brilliant, last day means last day.
Me: What do you call tomorrow?
3 yr old: (silence and stare)
Me: Must be ‘next day’.